Still seeking your input on possible titles

At the risk of overloading your email inbox, here’s another post.

As you may recall, I sent out something on Monday about a possible title for the upcoming biography of Dave McNally. The response wasn’t overwhelming, but it was usual, especially the reply I got from a fellow writer friend.

In short, he critiqued my subtitle, with its “star player” phrase, as a bit awkward. He’s right.

So, here are three more possibilities. I again invite your input:

• Baseball revolutionary: Montana’s Dave McNally championed workplace fairness for players of the game. (2-word title, 11-word subtitle, 13 words total)
• Baseball revolutionary: Dave McNally championed workplace fairness for players of the game (2-word title, 10-word subtitle, 12 words total)
• Baseball revolutionary: Montana’s Dave McNally delivered workplace fairness to players of the game (2-word title, 11-word subtitle, 13 words total)
• Baseball revolutionary: Dave McNally delivered workplace fairness to players of the game (2-word title, 10-word subtitle, 12 words total)

Why the inclusion of Montana in two titles above? It has to do with the business of being a book author, a necessity for anyone who wants to expand their readership. In short, Amazon and other online booksellers use what’s called metadata to help potential buyers find their next book. Metadata includes keywords, and the bundle of keywords includes a book’s title. And, for better or worse, Montana is a “hot” keyword nowadays, so including it may help sales.

The book emphasizes McNally’s Billings roots, but I don’t think that’s as strong a keyword as Montana. Plus, all of Montana did claim McNally as a native son during his heyday, and I think he still belongs to all of Montana, with Billings’ having a special tie to the Treasure State’s greatest athlete of the 20th century.